


Harry Potter AU Where Everything is the Same Except Harry is Gen Z

by A_Hallucination



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gen Z Slang, Harry doesn't care, I am second oldest out of 13 siblings, I wanted to quote one quote and thats why its such a shitty update, Sassy Harry, Swearing, T A X E V A S I O N, Timeskips galore, beat that Weasley family!, but im still getting this out into the world, dont ask, everyone is confused, harry cuddles with everyone eventually, harry doesn't take anyones shit, harry potter can talk to dead people, harry potter livestreams, harry wears skirts, have fun, hogwarts doesnt know what hit them, i like queer platonic stuff, ill add more tags as the story progresses, im an artist not a writer, im bad at spelling, im here to kill off all of humanity's braincells, itll be revealled, its 1991 and harry has an iphone, its Harry Evans, just pure unadulterated crack, kachow, not Harry Potter, read the title lol, ron is a dick sometimes, snape and harry have tea in the slytherin common room to gossip lol, so pairings are a bit iffy rn, sorry its so short rn, vine refferances, voldemort is one of harrys moms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27628481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Hallucination/pseuds/A_Hallucination
Summary: I thought it would be funny to rewrite the Harry Potter series, but Harry is Gen Z. Shenanigans ensue.N O                        O N E                I S                S A F E .
Relationships: Queer platonic shit
Comments: 32
Kudos: 91





	1. Hagrid

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to chaos

When Hagrid met Harry for the first time, he wasn’t anything Hagrid was expecting. 

Harry was a short boy with hair more red than black, and eyes as green as the death curse. He wore his fathers signature round glasses, and was skinny as a toothpick.  
In the morning Hagrid would take the skinny, skinny boy to Diagon alley for the first time. He really didn’t know anything about magic about his parents or about his fame.

It turns out the Dursleys didn’t tell Harry anything about a magical community in Britain. 

In fact what Harry didn’t know was he got his lightning shaped scar from. Harry, on the other hand, knew he got his scar from the car crash his parents died in, he knew that his parents were supposedly drunkards, and he knew that he was a freak. Harry had in fact told Hagrid for the first years of his life going all the way up until he started school he thought his name was Freak. He had no clue why some random people on the street would bow to him and thank him out of nowhere. Harry didn’t know that he took out You-Know-Who. Hagrid was both confused because Harry was not what he was expecting, angry at the Dursleys for telling lies to Harry, and relieved that Dumbledore chose him to be the one who got to teach Harry about the magical world.

“ Harry, your parents would’ve wanted you to go to Hogwarts, yu’ve been signed up there ever since you were born.“ Hagrid said.

“Look Hagrid, Imma be honest with you, I’m like no cap, deadass ready to die. I don’t really give a shit about what my dead parents want, they ded man! I just want to clap death’s cheeks and Yeet on out of there. Like is that really so hard to ask for? I’m shook bruh, S-H-O-O-K.” Harry went off, not looking away from the small lit up tablet that he was furiously tapping at.

Hagrid understood none of what Harry just said.

“Uuhhh…. wut?” Hagrid asked smartly. Harry just sighed and gave the half giant one of *those* looks.


	2. Diagon Alley

A crowd of wizards were trying to shake Harry’s hands for some reason.

“EW GET AWAY PEASANTS!!!” Harry shrieked, he didn’t like to be touched.

The wizards in the Leaky Caldron gave him confused looks.  
This was not what they were expecting their savior to be like. Dumbledore had told them Harry would most likely be shy, but grateful for the attention.

But instead they got a moody 11 year old tapping away on his weird tablet thing.   
Hagrid and Harry made their way through the stunned crowd to the entrance to Diagon Alley. Hagrid did the customary taps on the bricks and they were greeted by the sight of the bustling alley. To Hagrid’s expectations, Harry did in fact look up with an amount of wonder in his eyes before they were back down on the tablet thing. 

What was that thing anyways? 

Harry then raised his phone up and started talking to it. 

“Hey guys it’s ya boi, the FREEQ, here with another livestream! We’re in Diagon Alley getting my school supplies for the first time! I’ve never had new school supplies so this is exciting! Escorting me today is my friend Hagrid, say hi Hagrid,” Hagrid confusingly said hi to the small tablet thing that was lit up with a moving picture of himself and words quickly appearing and disappearing on the surface.

“So with that, off we go! Hagrid, where to first?” Harry asked him cheerfully.

“We’re going to the wizarding bank Gringotts.” Hagrid answered.

“ My viewers are telling me that Gringotts is run by Goblins, and some of them are saying Goblins shouldn’t be respected because they aren’t wizards, but jokes on you boomers, I’m not gonna piss off someone who is handling my money so, boo-fucking-hoo.” Harry snarled at the tablet.

“Uhh...Harry who are you talking to?”Hagrid asked

“The ghosts of the past present and future lmao” snarked Harry.

Hagrid was still very confused.


	3. Madam Malkins

Harry strolled into the robe store, not looking up from the comments he was reading on his tablet.  
“Robes for Hogwarts please.” He intoned to the plump witch at the front desk. She directed him to a pedestal, where he stood to get measured for his robes.   
Harry finally looked up from his tablet to see an Aryan looking motherfucker staring at him incredulously.

“What? Something on my face?” Harry asked.

“What are you holding?” The pale boy asked.

“Oh it’s my tablet. I deadass talk to dead people on it, no cap lmao” The pale boy stared at him.

“Are you gonna keep staring at me, or are you gonna talk?” Harry asked. The not quite Albino boy shook out of his confusion before reaching out his hand.

“My name is Draco Malfoy, pureblood. Who might you be?” The now named Draco asked.

“I’m Harry. Just Harry. Are you like a new Nazi or something? Who uses pureblood as a word anymore lol”

“What?” Draco felt insulted.

“You look like you could’ve been categorized as an Aryan during World War II by the Axis lol. You know ‘master race’ and all that blah blah blah. Whatever you’re clearly not getting it. Forget it.” Harry explained.

Draco was left even more confused than when Harry started.

“Welp, bye bitch.” Harry said as he received his robes and yeeted out of the store.

‘What just happened?’ Draco thought confused.


	4. The Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is a crackhead.

Harry sat alone in an empty train carriage, playing flappy birb on his tablet. The door to his compartment flew open, and an arrogant redheaded boy poked his head in,  
“Hey, do you know where Harry Potter is? Black hair, green eyes, has a lightning scar on his head?”

Harry shook his head. 

“Sorry haven’t seen him around.” 

“Oh ok.” Ron said dismissively as he closed the compartment door and left Harry to restart his flappy bird streak again.  
Harry snorted. There was no Harry Potter, only Harry Evans. Lily never took James’ last name, and in the few short minutes between James and Lily’s deaths, magic recognized that Harry Potter turned into Harry Evans.

Harry opened a new livestream up, comments starting to flood in already. One message in particular stood out to him.

“Hi Mum! Nice to see you watching the livestream on the Hogwarts Express! Is Dad with you?” Harry asked excitedly. Seeing the confirmation in the comments, he squealed quietly.

“So, lemme give y’all the tea sis. So this redheaded boi comes in earlier, asks for Harry Potter. He said Harry has black hair, green eyes, and a lightning shaped scar lol. So I, y’know like a liar, tell him I haven’t seen Harry Potter. So he leaves. But as y’all motherfuckers know—sorry Mum and Dad— Harry Potter doesn’t exist lol. Harry Evans does, and he has red hair. And it wasn’t like I was even hiding my scar so, yeah. Oh! VOLDEMORT HAS ENTERED CHAT! yo what's up bruh! How’s it going? How’s your plans for world domination going lol? Can—“ Harry was interrupted by his compartment door opening again, this time revealing a bushy haired girl and a shy boy.   
“Have you seen—-what’s that you’ve got in your hand?” Bushy hair asked.

“It’s my tablet. I’m currently in the middle of something, so could you make this quick, thanks.” Harry sassily asked.

“Oh! Uh….Neville here lost his toad, have you seen it?” Harry shook his head.

“Nah sorry m8, haven’t seen a toad round here. Maybe ask an older student.”

After the two kids shut the door again and left Harry alone, Harry turned to address his livestream again.

“Oh Neville is a part of an old noble family? Cool. I should introduce myself later, he seems cute. But whateves. Whatcha wanna talk about?”

The rest of the trip to Hogwarts proceeded in much the same way, people coming in to ask about the whereabouts of Harry Potter, and Harry snarking at them to go away.


	5. The Sorting

The first years exited the boats and climbed up the stairs to Hogwarts. McGonagall led them inside to a room where they could wait, and the first years were both buzzing with nervousness and anticipation. 

That is, everyone except seemingly Harry.

Harry, as he does, was staring intently at his tablet, tapping it occasionally. Whilst the other first years were talking about which house they were going to be sorted into, Harry was on kinstagram. 

‘Huh, Voldie needs to get out more’ Harry thought whilst looking at a particular picture posted by his favorite wraith. 

“What about you, mate? What house do you think you’re going to be sorted into?” A random first year asked Harry.

“I took a quiz online, and it said I would either be in Gryffindor or Slytherin.” Harry got weird looks for that.

“What’s ‘online’?” The same kid asked, only to be interrupted by the Hogwarts ghosts making their appearance. 

Everything was going smoothly until one of the ghosts noticed Harry.

“Oh my gosh! Is that FREEQ!?!”

After receiving a nod of confirmation, the ghosts started swarming Harry.

“I’m SUCH a big fan!”

“Thank you for bringing meaning to the underworld!”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” 

“Huh?” (Bins actually snapped out of the death loop he was in)

“PLEASE TEACH ME YOUR WAYS MASTER” peeves shrieked whilst on his knees at Harry’s feet.

McGonagall did certainly walk in on a really weird sight it seems.

—————-

“HARRY POTTER!” McGonagall shouted. 

But no one stepped toward.

Mutters grew throughout the hall. 

“Harry Potter?” 

A few more minutes of muttering and calling went by, before McGonagall continued on to the rest of the names. 

—————-

“Did I miss anybody?” McGonagall called when all but one first year had been sorted.

Harry raised his hand.

“Yea you missed me”

“Sorry about that Mister…?”

“The name’s Evans. Harry Evans.” 

A gasp ripples through the hall, and some muggleborns chucked at the James Bond reference.

“Why didn’t you step forward earlier, Mr. Potter?” McGonagall scolded.

“Because, in fact, my last name hasn’t been Potter since the day my parents died. So kindly refer to me as Evans before I cancel you.”

“Was that a threat Mr. Potter?!”

“No it’s a promise, now start calling me by my proper name, Karen!” Harry shouted at McGonagall.

‘Who’s Karen?’ Everyone sweatdropped.

Harry strode forwards to the sorting hat and promptly set it down on his head.

‘WHATS UP FUCKERS!?’ Harry mentally shouted.

‘Why do you have my phone?’ The sorting hat asked, indulging in the meme.

‘Fuck you, that’s why!’ Harry finished.

‘Thanks for making the afterlife better Harry! I’ve watched your live-streams from since the beginning, not much to do, you see, when you wait around until you sort new students at the beginning of each school year. My consciousness tends to drift. Now, back on topic! Sorting! Hmmmm….Let’s see….You’d do well in—‘

‘In Gryffindor and Slytherin, I know’ Harry interrupted. 

‘Took the words right out of my mouth. So...Which one? You’d do well in either, especially Slytherin, but I have a feeling you’ll want to be a snake in the lion's den.’

‘You deadass go it right in one shot lol. No cap, I’m impressed. Karen must respect your drip lol.’

“GRYFFINDOR!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that last bit killed all your braincells lol


	6. Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is entirely self indulgent.

In the morning, Harry went down to the Great Hall and sat at a random table. This earned him looks.

“Wat?” Harry asked.

“That's the Slytherin table.” A Hufflepuff said.

“So? It’s a fucking table. Why shouldn't I sit at it?” Harry incredulously asked. 

“Cuz it’s the Slytherin table!” The redheaded boy from the train exclaimed as if it was the most simplest thing to understand in the world.

“Again, deadass, its a fucking table.”

The other students saw that he wasn’t going to change his stance on the matter, all but the red head. Said boy opened his mouth to speak up again, only to shut it when he received glares from some of his fellow housemates. Harry rolled his eyes, before looking back down at his tablet playing the video he was watching before he (rudely) got interrupted.

\------

Severus Snape did not expect to see Harry Potter at the Slytherin table when he walked in for breakfast that morning.

But there the golden boy was.

Just…..Sitting there….Eating his breakfast whilst looking at his tablet thing.

Snape sighed. 

One day in and the brat was already giving him headaches.

“Mr. Potter,” Snape called as he walked up to the troublesome boi.

“It's Evans, actually. I thought everyone heard me last night, guess I was wrong.” Harry snarked as he paused his video.

“Mr. Evans, then” Snape corrected himself, ”May I inquire as to why you are sitting at the Slytherin table?”

“Must I reiterate myself yet again? It's not the ‘Slytherin table’, this is a table. Anyone can use it. That’s its whole purpose. Cuz its a fucking table. Respect the drip, Karen.” Harry exasperatedly said.   
Snape raised one of his eyebrows.

“You make a point. Enjoy your breakfast, Mr. Evans.”

“I will sir.” And with that, Harry turned back to unpause his video.

\---------

Draco Malfoy walked into the Great Hall expecting to have a normal breakfast with his new housemates before classes started. He didn't expect, however, the red haired boy who snarked at him on the train, to be sitting at the Slytherin table though.

“Potter? What are you doing here?” he spat.  
Harry loudly groaned, paused his video (‘yet again!’, he thought angrily), and turned to address Draco. 

“It's Evans, Dammit! All y’all get it through yer heads, its EVANS! Don't Make Me GO OFF!” Harry exclaimed irritably. 

“Evans, then. Why are you sitting here?” Draco repeated.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm sitting here because it's a table. That I can eat my breakfast at. Like, deadass, is that so hard to understand?” Harry ground out. Draco shrugged. ”It’s not like the teachers are forcing us to sit at house tables. Snape walked past with little to no problems...maybe it's tradition?....I'll ask dad about it….”Harry (Much like Izuku Midoriya) dissolved into a fit of mumbles.

‘What does he mean, ‘asking his dad’, his dad is dead!’ Draco thought, thoroughly confused. He sat next to the strange copper haired boy.

“What even is that?” Draco pointed to Harry's tablet.” I know you told me back in Madam Malkin's shop, but I'm still curious.”

“It's my tablet! I can talk to people, take pictures, watch videos, play games, etc., on it. One sec,” Harry held up the tablet and quickly snapped a photo of Draco.

“Here,” He showed Draco the photo, before he sent it to a contact labeled ‘Mum’.

“Who’s Mum?” Draco asked.

“Well, she's my Mum obviously.”

“Uh...Isn't she dead?”

“Yep.”

Draco made a face, confused beyond belief for the umpteenth time that morning. 

The tablet dinged, and Harry snorted.

“Wat?”

“Mum says that you sorta look like a ferret lol.”

“That's rude.”

“Oh, she doesn’t mean it like that lmao.”

“Well then what does she mean by it?”

“She compares everyone I send photos of to animals. She means it as a compliment.” Harry pulled a face.

“She says I look like a kitten!” He complained.

Draco sweatdropped.

\-------- 

Dumbledore walked into the Great Hall expecting each house to stay separated. He expected the saviour of the wizarding world to stay at the Gryffindor table. And, by chance if Harry was sitting at a different table, Dumbledore expected the other teachers would make the boy move. 

Or so he thought.

The moment he walked into the Great Hall, all his expectations were defenestrated out of the nearest window.

Not only was his puppet sitting at a different table, he was sitting at the Slytherin table. Gazing up at the front table the teachers ate at, he noticed Snape eating his breakfast peacefully.  
Not bothered that his bully’s son was sitting at his house's table. 

‘Why hasn't Snape forcefully removed the boy?’ Dumbledore thought.

“Harry, my boy!” Dumbledore approached his weapon.

“AHHHHH! STRANGER DANGER! STOP DROP AND ROLL!” Harry absolutely shrieked, somersaulting away from the older man. 

‘Ouch that looks like it hurts’ Was the thought of everyone watching the scene go down winced.

Draco Malfoy, who had been sitting next to Harry, giggled.

“Wat” Dumbledore was, in short, very confused. 

No child had ever had this reaction to him before.

“Whatchu want?” Harry asked, standing up and brushing his robes down as if the previous scene didn't happen.

“My boy, why aren’t you sitting with your friends at the Gryffindor table?”

“Well, first, it’s only been a few hours since I met my house mates, I hardly think that’s enough time to make friends. Secondly, it's cuz I chose to sit at this table today. After all, it's just a table. It's not like anyone is forcing us to sit at a select table.”

“Harry, I would feel more comfortable if you sat at your house table”  
“Ok Boomer, look. Look me in the eyes,” Harry said seriously, and Dumbledore decided to indulge him.  
”Now. Does It Look Like I Give A SINGLE FUCK What Makes You Comfortable? No? Then FUCK OFF.”

Dumbledore was stunned. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go down. Harry took his place next to the Malfoy spawn again.

“My boy---”

“AH-AH-AH-AH-AH!” Harry, without looking at Dumbledore, shook a finger at him.

Dumbledore silently waited for Harry to continue. Harry slowly, painfully slow actually, turned his head back towards Dumbledore, a vein throbbing on his forehead.

“The FUCK did I just say, old man?”

“But--”

“Arianna says SHUT IT.”

Dumbledore snapped his mouth shut, mouth dry.

‘How did the brat know about his dead sister?’

“Now Shoo.” Harry made a dismissive hand gesture at the Headmaster. Dumbledore was still in shock, so he just walked up to the front table and sat down to eat his breakfast.

The entire hall was silent.

An 11 year old kid had just talked the Headmaster down. And not just any old kid , it had been Harry Potter---Sorry, Harry Evans.

‘The Fuck is going on?’ was the collective thought in most of the students and teachers heads alike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yeets out a window*


	7. INTERLUDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im lazy

It was a few weeks after the Dumbledore incident in the Great Hall. Harry was sitting at the Ravenclaw table that particular morning, as he liked to switch tables every few days. Owls started pouring in, delivering that day's mail. This time, tho, a completely white owl was amongst them. 

Harry quickly noticed this. 

“CHICKEN!” he cried out, waving his arms excitedly. The white bird descended on him angrily.

“OW! What was that for?” Harry complained. The owl gave him a look. 

“Harry, who is that?” A Ravenclaw from an upper year asked him.

“Oh! This is my owl, Hedwig ‘Chicken’ Birb the 15th Esquire.” Harry stated, which got him confused looks..

“Why’d you name your owl that?”

“Why not?”

“Fair point.”

The conversation ended on that note, bringing calm to the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU


	8. Snape vs Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this chapter was called chapter bullshit: snape vs harry lol
> 
> also in the omake, I use direct quotes from hpatps so have fun with that
> 
> I think right now would be a great time to mention that I don't own hp at all; so enter disclaimer here

Harry walked into his first ever potions class. Snape had seemed nice enough during the Great Hall incident that morning. 

When the rest of the class arrived, Snape billowed forth through the door, looking like the illegitimate child of Batman and the Mothman. 

Harry snorted at this. 

“Mr. Evans, is there something you would like to enlighten the class about?” Snape snapped. 

“Yeah, I was thinking that I want to fucking die, my dood.” 

Snape raised a singular eyebrow and deadpanned back: 

“Same.”

“Ah, I see that you’re a man of culture then.” 

“It would seem so, Mr. Evans.” 

“Say, do you have any Oleander you can make into tea that I can drink?”

“Sorry, just used up the last of my stock the other day. Do you mind Wolfsbane instead?” 

“Eh, I don’t care much for the taste of Wolfsbane. Do you have Foxglove?”

“No, but I do have Belladonna.”

“Ah, I thought you were a potions master, my good sir. Do you at least have some Lily of the Valley?”

“I believe Wormwood would perhaps suit your taste more?”

“And I believe Asphodel would be your preferred form of poison?” 

“And what do you mean by that?”

“Asphodel says hi, Severus.” Harry said cryptically. 

Snape froze. 

‘That clever brat.’ He gave Harry a once over. 

“Very well, Mr. Evans. You would be correct in your analysis,” Snape said before starting his lesson. 

\----------------

Draco was, once again, finding himself sitting next to one Harry Evans. Normally, this wouldn’t matter so much, if it weren’t for the fact that Harry, for some reason, decided that it was the perfect day to wear a skirt. Ignoring the stares he got from other students, Harry sat next to Draco and was happily tapping away on his tablet. 

“Uh, Harry?”

“Yea?” Harry looked up at Draco. 

“Why are you wearing a skirt?”

“Why not? I felt like it was a skirt day, so I put on a skirt.”

“But boys--” Draco was cut off by Harry shushing him, putting a finger over Draco’s mouth. 

(Draco, later in life, refuses to acknowledge blushing when Harry did that. Harry still teases him about it.) 

“But--”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

“Harr--”

“Draco. Shut.” Harry glared at him.

‘Oh shit.’ Draco paled, and turned back to what he was originally doing. 

\--------  
OMAKE

Alternatively, if Snape was a bastard:

“Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?” Snape barked.

The red-headed boi in question raised a finger to indicate to wait a moment as he tapped something into his tablet. 

“You would get Draught of the Living Death.”

“Where would I find a bezoar?”

Another finger was held up as Harry, not even looking up from his tablet as Snape entered the room, continued to tap on his tablet. 

“In the stomach of a goat, sir.”

Snape seethed. 

“What is the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane?” 

Harry, still tapping, finally looked up.

“They’re the same plant, also known as Aconite. Asphodel says hi, btw.”

Harry looked back down, leaving Snape stunned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you have a specific idea that you would like to happen, tell me. I need help;;;;;
> 
> (also I'm super lazy)


	9. Anotherone bites za dusto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shitty shitty chapter

It was later that same night, when Harry (and the other boys in the Gryffindor dorm) sat lazing around on their beds. 

Harry shifted so he could see Ron, which included Harry having to look at the redhead in question upside down from his bed.

“Alright, let's tell each other secrets about ourselves” Harry suddenly said.

Ron, and the rest of the dorm for that matter, looked up.

“I’m gonna go first,” He continued. 

Harry, deadpan, looked Ron in the eyes and said:

“I hate you”

Ron sputtered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....i only wanted to quote one quote and thats it


	10. QUIRRELLMORT IS A MOM!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> Typed by my lil sis cuz i was too lazy to do it

Harry walked into his first defense class. 

He immediately noticed something was off with Quirrell, probably because Voldemort posted about it the night before on Kinstagram, but whatever. 

Quirrell started speaking when the boi-who-lived raised his hands. 

“Yes, Mr. Evans?”

“Yeah, sorry, just have a message for your roommate; Hi Mom!’’

The class gave Harry confused looks. 

Quirrell on the other hand, was very pale. 

‘How does this kid know about Master?’

Voldemort just laughed.   
‘That’s my son!’

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

That lunch, the arrogant Redhead known as Ronald Weasley confronted Harry.

“Hey mate, what did you mean earlier in Quirrell’s class?” He asked.

Harry looked at him confusedly. 

“What do you mean?” Harry asked innocently. 

“Y’know, the ‘hi mom’ comment.” 

Harry looked Ron dead in the eyes and laughed at him. 

People around them gave disturbed stares and slowly inched away. 

“Ha h a HA ha -- That’s hardly any of your business. Fuck off.” Harry changed moods at the flip of a dime. 

“But--”

“None of your business, Weasel.”

“But you’re Harry Potter!”

“It’s Harry Evans, and the fact that I’m the boy-who-lived doesn’t mean you’re entitled to MY business or my life. Jeeze, the nerve of some people!” Harry frustratedly stated as he picked up his books and left the Great Hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im dumb


	11. TEA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes D O W N. watch yo back ferret boi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is late, I've been playn too many games lately (brain, why exactly do I need 5 f/go accounts???????????) anyways, Luna_Kings15! I heard uuuuuuuuuuu uwu here's another chapterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (sorry its so shittyyyyy aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)

The class was so silent you could hear a pin drop—it had finally happened. Draco had called that bushy haired Granger girl a mudblood.

All were in shock.

Harry was confused. Wtf did mudblood even mean? Is it related to that nazi shit Draco had spouted when they had first met—y’know, the pure blood thing. In any case, he was going to find out.

“Hey siri, what does mudblood mean?”

Stunned faces turned to him in horror. 

The faithful A.I. dutifully gave him a response, and he suddenly realized why his classmates went silent with shock. He turned to look at Draco, who was looking quite guilty now.

“Draco. B a b e. That’s fucked up.” Draco looked up.

“Sorry……”

“Never say it again. Or you will be c a n c e l l e d. Understand?”

“Yes Harry” Draco was looking at his feet, embarrassed that he had even said the slur. 

Silence reigned for a few awkward minutes of Draco looking at his shoes and Harry tapping on his phone.

Then the teacher walked in, oblivious to what had just happened.

——————

Later that day found Harry in the Slytherin common room, having a delightful tea session with the one and only professor Severus Snape.

“--and then I said ‘ bitch you’ll be a dead son of a bitch I tell you that’, and he just fuckin’ ran away like a complete nard lol” Harry finished his story, Snape laughing so hard tea came out of his nose.

Their impromptu gossip sesh was interrupted by one Draco Malfoy, followed by two walking embodiments of proof as to why exactly humans shouldn't inbreed. 

“Draco.”

“Harry? Why are you in Slytherin’s common room?”

“ I'm having tea with Snape?????Wait, would you like to join?” Harry asked.

“Uhhh Not right now Harry.” Draco sweat dropped.

“What do you mean you can’t make it to my tea party; BETHANY I MADE BISCUITS!” Harry shouted.

Draco paled.

“OKAY! I'LL JOIN YOUR TEA PARTY THEN” He quickly said, frightened.

“You don’t have to, but good choice lol!” Harry smirked evilly.

And with that, Harry, Draco and Snape have an impromptu gossip sesh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .........................................................................I started planning for book 2 already aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


End file.
